To Sleep or Not to Sleep?

Whenever I tell people that I am living at home, I often get the classic response "That must be really nice." Which makes me wonder if they've ever tried living at home as an adult.

Not that there aren't definite perks of living at home. I can see why someone's first thought would be that living at home is great. Most of the time it is-- No rent, free laundry any time, free homecooked meals. Those are the great sides of living at home . . . and I do enjoy them a lot. (Thanks, Mom and Dad.)

However, looking through rose-colored glasses doesn't negate all problems in life. All perks notwithstanding, living at home definitely has its challenges, too. For example, even though I'm an adult, my parents' frequently feel the need to tell me I should be in bed instead of staying up late, or to remind me that I should be working more hours instead of playing with my nieces and nephews.

But, one of my least favorite parts of living at home has always been the wake-up calls.
My parents, especially my dad, have such odd ideas about dragging me out of bed at unearthly hours. But, that's not all. My dad not only marches into my room obscenely early, but he uses the most obnoxious techniques possible to wake me up. My sister, Danielle, can commiserate with me. She suffered the same fate when we shared a room in high school.

And so one day we realized we needed to accurately compile the evidence, so that all future generations could rest assured of the malicious crimes against us. They needed to be aware of all the injustices we faced in the form of various wake-up calls from our dad.

The Many Ways Dad Wakes Us Up

compiled 6/2001 by his victims



Blasts music/scripture tapes in our ears
Bounces basketballs on us
Pokes us with the broom
Tickles our toes
Drums on Danielle like a drummer – “I thought you’d pay more attention to me if I

were a drummer!” (like her friend, Nate)
Prior to accompanying Danielle to her “Steps Ahead” Jazz Concert in Salt Lake, he’d

urge, “Come on! We’re taking steps behind!”
Paddles us
Brings us Cheetos and waves them under our noses, “Smell!” Then he stuffs one in our

mouth!
Rubs Danielle’s legs crying, “Oh, prickly”
Calls “Get out of bed, you big, warm hunk of flesh!”
Grabs legs and pulls them out from under the covers.
Loudly sings, “Good morning” from Singing in the Rain (but conveniently stops when it

comes to the part about “It’s great to stay up late!”)

Is it any wonder I'm looking for an apartment to move to this fall?

The Top Ten Reasons for Promoting P.D.A.

Throughout my life, I have never been able to tolerate P.D.A. very well. To put it mildly.

Now don't get me wrong-- I'm not bothered by a husband and wife having a quick kiss goodbye as he drops her off for school. What I am bothered by is individuals that think they need to choose the middle of campus (or other equally public areas) to drool down each others' throats. That kind of passionate embrace should be saved for private time in a bedroom (if married) or equally uninbtrusive place.

So, it's no wonder that when my high-school A.P. English teacher assigned us to create a satire, I immediately thought of P.D.A. For years that satire got sucked into a vortex of old computer files and papers and I thought it was gone for good. However, I recently stumbled upon it anew, and I couldn't resist sharing it with all of you:

The Top Ten Reasons for Promoting P.D.A.* Worldwide


1. P.D.A. reduces global warming. As kissing couples rarely breathe, CO2 emissions are drastically reduced!

2. P.D.A. prevents drug use. Teenagers that are kissing aren’t smoking, drinking, sniffing, or chewing.

3. P.D.A. is an ecological boost to the economy because it conserves energy. Clinging couples wrapped in vice-like embraces need no external heat source. They keep each other warm.

4. P.D.A. brings peace and joy to the world. No known declarations of war have been issued during the middle of passionate, tonsil-cleaning kisses

5. P.D.A. reduces crime. IT keeps teenagers off the streets, giving them something worthwhile to do besides getting involved in gangs.

6. P.D.A. is educational. Participants receive deep lessons on sharing: saliva, germs, disease, bad breath, B.O., and sweat.

7. P.D.A. increases intimacy. After kissing for 2 weeks, couples become familiar, even down to the last cavity.

8. P.D.A. promotes service. One good kiss deserves another!

9. P.D.A. reduces population density. Entwined couples require 50% less standing space.

10. P.D.A. even promotes dental hygiene. It removes plaque in a healthy, safe, and pleasant manner.





*P.D.A. is the acronym for “public display of adultery . . . uh, I mean affection.”

Free Free Free!

Freedom is mine!
How sweet the air-- how clean the taste!

The quote above is from my most favorite musical of all time (if you don't know what that is, you obviously don't know me well enough), and it just about sums it all up.

I just FINALLY finished all the paperwork on my England research. Yippee!

I'm free! I'm free! I'm free! I'm free! I'm free! I'm free!

Time for all the blogging and the reading and the cake decorating and the playing with nieces and nephews and all the other things I've been putting off for a month.

Let the summer games begin!