Professional Genealogy Homework

I have a new philosophy when it comes to homework assignments (If any teachers are reading this, please take note).

If it's too big to be stapled, it's too big.

If it's too big to be paperclipped, it's too big.

If it's so big you have to put it in a giant manila envelope, it's TOO BIG.

Any guesses what I've been up to all day?

Library Literacy

The incoming BYU freshman has an average GPA of 3.8. You would think that it would be a fair indication that the above-mentioned freshman would possess a certain amount of intelligence, or at least common-sense. Yet, as a student library assistant on campus, I never cease to be amazed at the questions and responses I get from patrons at our reference desk. Maybe part of the problem is that we have so many elderly patrons, who are getting a little forgetful in their advancing age, and who did not have the advantage of growing up around technology. Whatever the reason, I constantly hear questions and responses that make me wonder how much intelligence the 3.8 GPA really stands for. A few prime examples:

Today while I filled out a microfilm order form, I asked the patron if any of the films she wished to order were in consecutive order. In response I got a blank stare. "What does that mean?" Maybe I'm being a little harsh, but didn't we learn about consecutive numbers in 7th grade?

On the right-hand side of the reference desk, we have a big black sign that clearly states "Check Out Books At Circulation." Yet, every day we get more patrons asking "Can I check this out here?" than I have fingers and toes to count!

Also today, while I was filling out the aforementioned microfilm order, another patron came up to ask why her film was printing white words on black instead of black words on white. The same patron that couldn't define "consecutive" promptly began explaining to patron #2 that if she wanted to read her film, she needed to turn it upside down before putting it in the printer. When patron #2 replied that she had put the film in the right way, patron #2 repeated herself, insisting that the film must be in upside down. Finally I interrupted patron #1 and informed her that the real reason her film was turning out black was because someone had pushed the Negative/Positive button on the machine.

Question over the phone: "I need to find a book, but I don't remember the name of it. My brother gave it to me, but I don't want him to know that I lost the book."
Me: "Do you remember what the book was about?"
Patron: "It was newspaper interviews of David Whitmer and I think it was volume 7 in a set."
Me: "Can you remember anything else about the book?"
Patron: "It had a sillhouette of a woman on the front cover. Do you have any books that look like that in your section?"

One of my most recent favorites is our signature card machine. The machine can check the balance on student cards, put cash deposits on cards, and sell guest cards. On the top, right-hand corner of the machine there is a little screen that gives very specific instructions "Insert and remove card. Insert bill. Done. (to name a few)" Yet without fail we get patrons complaining "I can't figure out how this thing works!" while attempting to stuff a bill in without swiping their card first or even pushing the start button. Did we not learn how to read and follow instructions in first grade?

Another personal favorite: Patron asks me to come read a word on a film page. I tell them what I think the word says. The patron corrects me: "No, it says such-and-such!" Well, if you were so sure, then, why did you ask me?

One common problem occurs when patrons try to print census pages from Ancestry.com. Usually the census page is embedded within the Ancestry.com webpage, and has its own print button, also embedded within the middle of the page. Many patrons try to print by clicking on the File button and then scrolling down to print. The problem is that for some reason when you click File + Print, Ancestry prints a blank page. You have to go into the print button within the census page to actually print the census. Frequently we get patrons asking why their census didn't print. Often when I explain that it's necessary to use the inner print button, the patron retorts "I already did that." Yet, when I insist that we try the inner print button again, 100% of the time it fixes the problem. Amazing. Who would have thought a reference assistant might actually be right?

I'm sure it won't be long before I have more to add to this list, but in the meantime, at least I get a kick out of my job. And, at least I know how to read.

The Top 10 Things I Refuse To Do

1. Watch The Office. Just because everyone else is doing it. I refuse to blend in with the crowd.

2. Go to a football game. Why would I want to sit for 4 hours and freeze to death watching a bunch of people jump on top of each other when I could be home cuddled up in a blanket, reading Pride and Prejudice for the 100th time? Okay, maybe if a really cute boy asked me to go with him . . .

3. Eat brats. Barf. Same goes for sauerkrat. Who in their right mind would want to eat bloated, greasy sausages and pickled cabbage?

4. Go bulimic. Read Suzy's blog for details.

5. Go on a roller coaster. I can just get the stomach flu again for a much cheaper price.

6. Talk to Confederate Man again at work. For those who haven't heard this delightful story, he's a patron who comes in, wearing a confederate hat (to make a statment, I think), and proceeds to talk with anyone who will listen for at least 1/2 an hour straight. His questions range everywhere from "Where did Spencer W. Kimball say that the Adam-God theory was false?" to "Have you heard about how the Sword of Laban is supposed to remain unsheathed until the Second Coming?" Talk about weird. It's somewhat reminiscent of my days on the mission. Fortunately I learned a good trick back then: "Ignoring is bliss!" I think he's finally starting to get the hint. Either that or he's just too absorbed in researching whether or not Adam had a bellybutton.

7. Give up on reading the Old Testament. I may have started it over 2 years ago, but I'm not giving up now. I finally made it to Nahum and I'm determined to hold out until the end. Only 27 pages to go!

8. Go tanning. With my fair skin, I don't think skin cancer will need any extra help.

9. Let Becca leave any more moldy bread on my car. Pranksters, beware! I'll be plotting a comeback for any knaves foolhardy enough to try.

10. Go without dark chocolate for longer than 24 hours. I think I might start experiencing withdrawal symptoms if I did. Or at very least, I'd be perilously in danger of losing my membership in the Wilson chocoholics club, and that would be a tragedy.